Eight o'clock...
The band is starting by now. Couples are taking the dance floor. Not everyone will be there yet, but most will. Jim won't though. He hasn't been gone long enough. I know, because I circled the block until I saw his truck leave. I didn't want him to know I was going to just stay home tonight.
If I close my eyes, I can hear them…the music, conversation, laughter…I can almost imagine myself there.
But I'm not.
Ten o'clock...
The awards will have been presented by now. I wonder who won. Guess I'll find out in the morning. Jim will no doubt sleep in, but it'll probably be in the paper. It's a pretty big deal, after all. I think I'll get up early and go down for a paper. Maybe I'll run over to the bakery and get breakfast while I'm at it. Jim will appreciate the thought.
Twelve thirty…
The champagne is probably beginning to run a little dry. They might be starting to wind down. I'm sure at least some of them are.
I wonder if Jim is on his way home...
I should go to bed. I wouldn't want him to find me sitting here in the dark like this. It'd be too hard to explain. But I don't want to go to bed yet. I want to see Jim when he comes in, ask him about his night. I want to hear how much fun it was and how much I would have loved it.
I'm masochistic that way.
One fifteen...
Jim just stepped off of the elevator. I know without knowing how I know. I switch on the lamp and grab a book from the coffee table just as the front door opens.
"Hey, Jim. Have a good time?"
He smiles tiredly as he heads for the stairs to his room. "Yeah. It was great. You would have loved it, Chief."
I smile in return, and drop my eyes back to my book, hoping my heartbeat doesn't give me away. Either it remains steady, or Jim's too tired to notice. He continues up the stairs. "Night, Blair."
"Night."
No point in pretending anymore. I set the book down, switch off the lamp and head for my room.
I'm glad Jim had a good time, and I could tell by his face when he came in that he really did; he wasn't just saying that.
I don't blame Jim. I don't blame anyone, for that matter. I'm new. I'm unknown. I'm still an outsider.
*You would have loved it, Chief.*
"Yeah," I whisper as I undress in the darkness, "I would have...if I'd been invited."