"I was born a trouble magnet."
"I find that hard to believe, Chief."
"Sarcasm is so not your forte, Jim. All I'm trying to say is, this is not your fault."
"And as a child, Sandburg, just how often did you find yourself tied up in a dark basement with a bomb set to explode in less than fifteen minutes?"
"What'd I tell you about the sarcasm?"
"That wasn't sarcasm."
"Look, man, I'm not saying I'm not scared. Okay? Happy? Just for the record, I'm terrified. All I wanted to say was don't blame yourself. I don't want your last thoughts to be guilty ones."
"No one's having any 'last thoughts' here, Chief."
"Well, if you've got a miracle hiding in your back pocket, I think now would be a good time to pull it out."
"I can't reach my back pocket."
"Sarcasm, Jim."
"Sandburg?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"Yeah, sure, Jim, okay. I'll shut up. Don't want you to die having to listen to me ramble or anything, you know? Wouldn't want that. So how about I just shut up now?"
"What was that you were saying about sarcasm?"
"How come you can accuse me of sarcasm and it's all right, but when I say it, you tell me to shut up?"
"Sandburg?"
"Yeah, I know…shut up."
...
...
...
"I really was born a trouble magnet, though."
"You just can't do it, can you?"
"It's not in my nature to be quiet."
"All right, Chief, tell me how you were born a trouble magnet."
"You don't have to act like it's going to kill you to listen... Oh, bad choice of words, man. Sorry."
"I told you, no one is going to die here, Chief. Now, tell me the damn story."
"I'm not sure I want to now. It's sort of lost it's purpose."
"It *had* a purpose?"
"Bite me, Jim."
"Sandburg...will you please tell me your no doubt delightful childhood memories of being a trouble magnet?"
"Since you ask so nicely -- and that *was* sarcasm, by the way -- my very first memory involves an electrical socket and a car key. Need I say more?"
"Good Lord, Chief! You could have been killed!"
"Yeah, I know. Luckily, it just shocked me pretty good. Naomi says I was only eighteen months old. Guess I didn't know any better."
"Which is why someone should have been watching you."
"You haven't been around kids much, have you, Jim?"
"Actually...no."
"You can't watch 'em every second of every day, man. Even normal kids get into things, and let's be honest here, I was *not* a normal kid."
...
...
"Jim?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry. I was distracted for a second."
"Distracted? By what? Counting off the minutes along with the timer?"
"Not exactly. Finish your story, Chief."
"What's left to say? I made my point."
"Already?"
"What're you trying to say?"
"Short and sweet just isn't your style."
"I dunno. I am short, and I've been told I'm sweet."
"You're also full of yourself. That was just an accident, Sandburg. It doesn't mean you were born a trouble magnet."
"That's just my *first* memory, man. There're tons more that follow."
"I don't think I want to know."
"Probably not, but you get my point, right?"
"...uh...yeah...ow!"
"Jim?"
"I'm okay."
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"What's that sound?"
"I'm trying to move my chair closer to you."
"I'm touched, man."
...
"Jim?!"
"Be still."
"What're you doing?"
"I'm fresh out of miracles in my own back pocket, so I thought I'd try yours."
"Sheesh, what is it with you and sarcasm, man?"
"I don't know, Sandburg. Maybe there's something about life and death situations that brings out the best in me."
"Could have fooled me..."
"What was that?"
"You're the sentinel, figure it out."
"Sandburg?"
"Yeah, yeah, shut up. I heard you the first twelve times."
"But you haven't done it yet."
"Seems you could figure out by now I'm not going to and save your breath. Jim...man...you keep that up, and I'm going to die with a smile on my face."
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Blair. I'm trying to reach your pocket knife."
"Oh. Why didn't you say so? It's not there."
"Yes, it is. I can see the outline of it on your pocket."
"That's something else, man. It's in the other pocket."
"Oh. Sorry."
"'s okay."
"Got it."
"Great! Um, Jim, how'd you get your hand in position to reach my pocket?"
"Don't ask...but you're going to have to type my reports for me for a while."
"Oh. Sorry."
"I'm not."
"How much time we got left?"
"Plenty. You finished with your story?"
"I'd rather finish it when we're out of here."
"Just...a few...more minutes…"
"Just hurry, okay?"
"Told you...we have...plenty of time."
"Yeah, I know, but I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or not."
...
"Jim?"
...
"Jim!"
"Sorry...distracted... Got it!"
...
…
"Ow...ow... *sigh* Thanks, man. I was losing feeling in my hands."
"Blair?"
"Yeah?"
"Run!"
"Damn, I knew you were being sarcastic!"